Thursday, December 27
I'm also glad that I told her I loved her many, many times.
" In a man's life, his time is but a moment, his being a mere flux, his senses a dim glimpse, his body food for the worms, and his soul a restless eddy … the things of the body pass like a flowing stream; life is a brief sojourn, and one's mark in this world is soon forgotten."
Sunday, December 23
[Global warming notwithstanding, it does seem rather gratuitious, to make a hottie out of an Artic animal!]
Friday, December 21
Tuesday, December 18
This time of year always makes me think about Lego, as my bro. always used to request some huge set or other.
My Uncle found some of our Lego behind his sofa a few years ago. The pieces has telltale bite marks on them. Jerry used to hate me doing it, but how else do you get the damn bricks apart?
Thursday, December 13
Wednesday, December 12
There is an exercise in the book about dealing with supressed anger with a person (which is for one's own benefit, not their's):
- Have a dialogue with them in your mind, say what you want to say, and let them talk back.
- Ring them up and arrange a meeting. Explain that you want to clear the air.
- Read the rest of the chapter before the meeting.
You turn the page, and the author says "Bet you didn't do it!" - and you know what? I hadn't!
There is someone I have a lot of anger towards. It all built up inside me and I ended up leaving a very angry and upset message on their mobile phone, and I haven't seen or heard from them since.
Am I brave enough to call them and arrange a meeting? I can't help feeling that it would just rake over old coals and do more damge than good. And yet, the anger and hurt I feel gnaws away at me like a sore tooth and comes up at the strangest times.
So watch this space...
What do you think?
Monday, December 10
As previously blogged the push behind radical honesty isn't a moral one, but rather a psycholological/health one. Interestingly, like the meditation techniques I learnt (and have let lapse!) last year, it anchors you in present experience - training you to ignore the evaluative voice in the back of the mind.
In trying to tell the truth at all times, it's made me evaluate why and when I lie. It's always because of how I THINK others are going to react to the truth, whether it's my slightly 'sexing up' an anecdote or trying to hide the fact the reason I'm not hungry is because I've been stuffing chocolate all afternoon. I want/need people to like me, to approve of me. And in the past that's meant my trying to hide my struggles, until I can't hold on any longer and break down or blow up.
So, in order to avoid the anticipated bad reaction (even if it's not an angry outburst, just a change in their view of me) - I blurt out some lie, which most of the time is so poor that it's seen through at once. Leading to guarenteed bad reaction/relationship breakdown. Or in order to make sure that people continue to want to spend time with me, I feel that I need to supply 'material' to keep them amused and to ignore my needs and feelings.
My plan, such as it is, is to keep on with the radical honesty, and monitor the consequences.
Sunday, December 9
Thursday, December 6
In theory it would be nice if all content/software/hardware was compatible with each other - hence standards. But who decides? We mainly have to think about SCORM - there are a number of different standards bodies fighting it out, including the US Defense Department, before you even think about all various interested parties in the industry. My friend Andrew chairs and industry software standard committee and I really feel for him. I need to understand this stuff to test if our products are compliant, but as no-one has yet agreed what they have to be complaint with, it's all a bit Kafkaesque.
In the meantime I'll listen to the nice CD I was given as a late birthday present and devise tests to make sure students can't do evil things to each others avatars.
Note to self: Don't listen to Johnny Cash singing 'One' at work - audible sobbing tends to spook your colleagues.
Wednesday, December 5
- 'Our Lord in the Attic', a wonderful hidden Catholic church
- The Old Church
- A canal cruise
- The Rijksmuseum, it's being refurbished but has a 400 piece masterpieces exhibition
- The Katten Kabinet (see two living exhibits above), the oil painting of Stalin with a tabby has to be seen to be believed
- The History of Amsterdam museum
- The Rembrandt House, the highlight for me, lots of wonderful etchings. But then, I'm about the only person who would take up an invite to "come up and see [my] etchings".
- Van Gogh musuem, absolutely heaving so heaven knows what it's like in the summe